Our Minds are Dangerous Places to Live Sometimes

Let’s talk about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).  What is it?  How can it help? How do we use it in everyday life? CBT is a form of therapy that focuses on our thoughts.  It helps us see the connection between our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.  The three are connected: Our thoughts influence our feelings and our feelings determine our behaviors. 

I love CBT therapy because it feels very empowering to me to know that I actually have the ability to change the way I am feeling.  Let’s be honest, sometimes it doesn’t feel that way, right?  It can often feel like our feelings or emotions are driving the car and we are passengers.  If I wake up feeling anxious then my mind goes “well, okay today is just going to be one of those days.  I just have to wait for it to pass.”  CBT can help change that; we can be back in the driver’s seat.  How?

The first step is examining our thinking patterns.  If I am feeling anxious I need to figure out why.  This is where we begin to take a look at our thinking patterns.  There are some very common negative thinking patterns (also known as cognitive distortions):

1. All or Nothing thinking:  everything is seen as black or white…no areas of inbetween.  If something falls short of perfection it is labeled as a total failure. 

2. Overgeneralization: a single negative event as seen as a pattern.  Often using words like “never” or “always”

3. Mental filter: only seeing the negative in a situation, ignoring the positive

4. Discounting the positives: Playing down a positive or ignoring a compliment.  Thinking “anyone could have accomplished this”. 

5. Jumping to conclusions:  Mind-reading (assuming someone is thinking the worst about you) and fortune telling (predicting things will turn out badly). 

6. Magnification: blowing things out of proportion

7. Emotional Reasoning: Allowing your feelings to become facts

8. Should Statements:  Telling ourselves “I should have” or “shouldn’t have”

9. Labeling: Assigning a label to yourself based on one event or outcome

10. Personalization or Blame:  holding yourself responsible for something that wasn’t totally your fault or within your control

The first step in CBT is figuring out the thoughts that are developing our feelings. Next we want to focus on changing our thinking patterns.  We have to learn how to reframe our thinking.  

1. Examine the evidence behind the thought.  Hold court with your thoughts.  What evidence can you find to prove the thought to be true or false?

2. Show yourself compassion.  It can be helpful to talk to yourself the same way you would talk to a find.  Oftentimes we are our own worst critics.  We allow ourselves to  say things we would never say to another person.  Show yourself the same compassion.   

3. Look at the gray areas. Are there any outcomes or possibilities that you haven’t considered?

4. Pay attention to overgeneralizations-if you find yourself using “never” or “always” think of situations in which that wasn’t true.   

5. Identify the pattern of negative thinking and write it down.  Sometimes seeing things written down can help us see it in a different perspective. 

CBT doesn’t come with a magic wand.  Remember you are working to change negative thinking patterns that you have been using for a long time.  Once you begin to gain control over your thoughts you will also begin to gain control over your feelings.  Once our emotions become more positive our behaviors will follow. 

If you need a little help taking control of your thoughts, I am here for you. I am currently accepting new clients in the Clarksville/Hopkinsville area. Click here to sign up.