Understanding our Emotions
Understanding your emotions is fundamental to knowing yourself, connecting with others and interacting well in the world.
Some fun (and important) facts about emotions:
Emotions are neither good nor bad. There are not “good feelings” and “bad feelings”, there are just feelings. Some are more enjoyable than others, they may be comfortable or uncomfortable, but we need to take caution if we find ourselves labeling them “good” or “bad.” When we label feelings as good or bad, we are also informing ourselves about an experience and can unknowingly internalize these labels as a reflection of ourselves. If I believe anger is a “bad” emotion, it will impact how I respond in a situation where I feel anger and possibly judge myself as “bad” for feeling anger. Rather, if I see anger as neither good nor bad, I can allow myself to acknowledge feeling anger and choose how to respond.
Emotions are normal and natural, all humans have them. To be human is to have feelings. It is a normal and necessary part of the human experience.
Emotions have a purpose, they are there/experienced for a reason. We can learn from understanding our feelings and emotional responses. Ex: anger is an important emotion, it lets us know something is not ok with us. It notifies us if there is a threat to us or others, even a perceived threat. Sadness speaks to something that is important to us, something is missing or needs that are not unattended to.
Emotions alone can be deceptive. Caution: feelings are not facts. Ex: I can feel guilty even if I haven’t done anything wrong.
Emotions are biopsychosocial…biological, psychological, and social. We feel them in our bodies (biological, more on that later), they impact our thinking (and our thinking impacts our feelings) and feelings can be influenced by others.
(from the work of Terance Gorski)
In the latest research by Dr. Brene Brown, she stresses the importance of having accurate language to communicate our emotions and emotional experiences. She states, “language is our portal to meaning-making, connection, healing, learning and self-awareness…language shows us that naming an experience doesn't give the experience more power, it gives us the power of understanding and meaning.” (Brene Brown, Atlas of the Heart)
Can you name that feeling? Or combination of feelings? Here's a great way to start…
Be curious, not judgmental.
Emotions present as energy in our body. Sometimes an easy way to recognize emotions is to check what we are feeling physically in our body. Anxiety can feel like jittery energy, fidgeting, butterflies and anger can feel like short breathing, tension in your jaw or shoulders, heart rate can increase, feeling flush. All of these are physical manifestations of emotions.
When we feel something (either the emotion itself or become aware of what we feel in our bodies) we need to approach these feelings with curiosity rather than judgment. So often, we judge our feelings or judge ourselves for having (or not having) a particular emotion. We can say things to ourselves like, “I shouldn’t feel this way,” or “I should just get over this feeling.” These statements of judgment do not serve us and are not really helpful.
Rather, I suggest we embrace curiosity. Check in with yourself. Check in with your body. Ask curious questions like:
Why do I feel this way?
What is happening around me that has stirred this feeling inside of me?
What am I thinking or believing that is adding to this feeling?
Remember fun fact #1 from the list above? When we label an emotion as good or bad we are being judgmental of the emotion, which contradicts fun fact #3 (emotions have a purpose) and can internalize into judgment of self (reference fun fact #2 and #5, emotions are normal and natural and biopsychosocial).
