Starting Anew: A Guide to Finding Your Way in a New City

This is for all of you who’ve recently moved and, like me, are building up your local community from scratch.

I’m in my early 30s and I’ve moved 25 times that I can remember. I also attended 13 schools before finishing high school. That’s a lot of starting over. My husband and I just bought our first home and moved from Clarksville, TN to Louisville, Ky. We’ve loved this city for years - it’s been a frequent weekend trip for us and we’re really looking forward to making it our ‘permanent’ home. Still, starting over is hard.

I’ve been thinking lately about how all of the moves throughout my life so far have prepared me for this one. Even though building a new community can feel really daunting, adapting to change and learning how to make friends over and over again is a muscle I’ve been flexing for a long time. I have what it takes to do this - and so do you.

With that in mind, here are some learnings I’m implementing in my own journey to both help make the adjustment easier and to find my people again. I hope these help you too!

P.s. I’ll give an update on what’s working for me a month or so from now, and I’d love to hear yours as well. <3

1. Get to Know Your City

Your first mission: become an urban explorer. I moved to Nashville when I was in my early twenties and after about a year I realized the city was still pretty foreign to me. I wanted it to feel like home, and I love coffee so I made a bucket list of all of the coffee shops I could find on Google and each weekend I went to a new one (usually by myself).

Truth be told, I never made it through the list because over time I found my favorites in each part of town, and got busy with new friends. I also looked up free stuff to do and put it on my calendar - I went to Live On The Green, Movies In The Park, a free yoga class. I love music and books so I found a record store, Grimey’s Too. It’s a lot different now, but it used to be a little shop half filled with used books, half with records, and it had a Frothy Monkey coffee stand inside. I’d go there on Saturday’s, buy a used book and read and drink coffee on the patio. Being alone in this way (exploring and enjoying my hobbies in the open) was therapeutic for me. Here and there over time, I found my people.

This advice is not just about exploration. Ever since covid, so many of us (me included) have become shut-ins. People use to struggle with “third spaces” (somewhere to go and be that isn’t work or home), and now many of us are struggling to even find a second space. If you work from home or you’re a stay at home mom, or you don’t work - this might be especially true. But having somewhere to be that holds familiar faces and serendipitous conversations, where we’re part of a community, is actually proven to benefit us psychologically.

For you it could be coffee, music, the gym - or it could just be scheduling some time to drive around and see what you find. Aimless wandering isn’t just for fun; it’s the fastest way to make a strange place feel familiar. The grocery store, the library, the local diner—these places are more than just spots on Google Maps. They're your future go-to zones, your comfort places, your “Third Space”. So go find them.

2. Nail Down a Routine

I get it, routine sounds boring. But when you’re in a new place, a solid routine is your best friend. Right after a move, it’s easy to spend a lot of time at home and for your old routines to fall by the wayside. I’ve personally had trouble ‘letting myself’ set up a new routine until the boxes are unpacked. So instead of going to CycleBar on Mondays and Wednesdays, I just stay home and procrastinate unpacking instead. Who’s winning there? No one.

I’m changing this this week and you can too. Set a regular wake-up and bedtime. Track streaks on completing your evening skincare routine. Close your laptop at the same time every day. Figure out where the closest gym is and actually go. What’s the point? Consistency and routine give us a sense of stability.

3. Make Some Friends

I know, easier said than done. But hear me out: friendships aren’t going to form unless you put yourself out there.

What are you into? Yoga? Join a class. Books? Find a book club. Like helping people? Volunteer.

Shared interests and vulnerability create lasting friendships. No one ever said, "Hey, you standing over there on your phone, let’s be friends!" It doesn’t work that way. Go find people who get as excited about your interests as you do, and start a conversation with them. And remember, you really can just ask someone to be your friend or hang out with you like we did in kindergarten.

I once befriended my barista (Jess) after noticing she had great taste in music (it was always her spotify playlist that was playing in the shop when I asked about a song I heard and loved). We nerded out together about an artist we both liked while she was making a latte, and I asked her outright: “Do you wanna be friends?” It’s scary to do that the first time, but she gave me her phone number and we made actual plans. I’ve also befriended my Lyft driver (met in a ride and went to the movies a few weeks later), an interior designer (I met her at my coworking space), and a group of women in their sixties (we connected when I accidentally went to a yoga class for the elderly at The Y) - all with the same method.

Life is full of interesting people just waiting to be your friend. They won’t think you’re weird if you ask them to hang out, I promise. We all want to be seen, and we’re all afraid to take the first step. Next time you have the opportunity go ahead and take one for the team. You’ll probably get a new friend out of it.

There it is - our three-step game plan. Explore without reservations, nail down a life-affirming routine, and seek out our kind of people.

Settling somewhere new is hard, but you don’t have to do it alone. I’ll be trying all these things with you.

All the love,

Rachel