Vulnerability and Courage
“Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.” - Dr. Brene Brown
What a beautiful quote! Such a lovely vision for life and connection with others. Right!? And…a scary, uncomfortable place to walk into. That word “vulnerability” can stir up a lot of thoughts and feelings before you even read the rest of the quote. For many of us this word has been considered a bad thing, something to avoid, and even worse, as weakness. If armor shows vulnerability, it shows weakness that leaves us susceptible to hurt, pain or worse. Unfortunately this has followed this word around into how we might see vulnerability in relationships, communication, and connection.
So here’s the thing…nothing that is hard, uncertain, or scary is done without courage. Courage is a tricky word/experience. When we are being courageous, we usually don’t feel courageous. But is it the very fact that we are doing the hard thing when we might feel scared or uncertain that makes us call on our courage to step out.
One paradox Dr Brown shares in her work is that vulnerability feels like weakness, but looks like strength in others. Think about it. When was the last time you did something truly vulnerable. Did you feel strong, confident, sure?
Most likely you felt nervous, anxious, unsure or many other possible emotions. When was the last time you witnessed someone else being vulnerable, sharing something important, meaningful or emotional? Did you look at them thinking they were so weak or rather that they were so brave and courageous to share openly and vulnerably?
Infact, in Dr Brene Brown’s book, The Gifts of Imperfection, she notes the Latin origin of the word courage is “cor-” meaning “heart.” The meaning of courage is “to speak one’s mind by telling all one’s heart.” Wow. That is courage and incredible vulnerability. In many cases, these 2 words can not be pulled apart. To be vulnerable, we are being courageous. When we are being courageous, we are taking steps of vulnerability. She also makes the distinction between courage and heroics, which we often use synonymously but there is a key difference. She clarifies that “heroics is often about putting our life on the line” and “courage is about putting our vulnerability on the line.” We act without knowing the outcome and there is risk. Being courageous and taking a step of vulnerability is risking exposure, emotional uncertainty and being seen, known without knowing how they other person will respond. That is a risk. But! Circling back to Dr. Brown’s quote we started with, there is great payoff from choosing to be vulnerable: love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. We risk some with the change to gain so much more!
Summary: vulnerability is not weakness. It actually requires courage. It is through vulnerability that we can create connection and belonging with others, creativity (to create something that has not existed before is vulnerable), joy and love.
