Book Recommendation: Eight Dates

John and Julie Gottman are two of my favorite couples therapists and researchers in the field. They have decades of experience and several helpful books published. Any of their work is an easy recommendation for me to any of my clients.

One of my favorites of their books is a book titled, “Eight Dates.” This book is organized around 8 major topics in any relationship. The book begins with communication education that gets right to the heart of effective communication and the breakdowns in communication. This is where the book begins because the information about communication will help in the subsequent chapters. They break the rest of book down into 8 chapters, one per major relationship topic. These chapters filled with great insights including examples pulled from real couples they’ve worked with who have struggled with that topic, along with a list of open-ended questions relating to each topic discussed. The design is for a couple to read the chapter and then plan a “date” together to talk through the questions.

The structure of the book helps to provide resources, new interpersonal skills, and questions to get to know your partner better. Whether newlyweds, together for over 50 years, or anywhere in between, these topics are important to both communicate about, and re-communicate about. We change throughout seasons in our lives, this book, along with the use of the suggested open-ended questions provided at the end of each chapter helps the reader to continue communication about these topics as the seasons change in any relationship.

I strongly believe one way that we can show love to our partner is to continually seek to get to know them better, which includes asking the same questions in different seasons of the natural ebbs and flows of relationships and life. This book can help make that an achievable relationship goal with a supportive road map.