Book Recommendation: Come As You Are

The topics of sex, sexual function and sexual desire can be difficult and very vulnerable. This is a great book about female sexuality. Dr. Nagoski is an experienced sex educator and Ph.D. She provides clear, thorough and science-backed education. She writes with a compassionate and encouraging tone; one that celebrates the female body and female sexuality on every page. Her approach is direct and normalizing. Dr. Nagoski shares from her experience working with real women (and their partners) and years of research.

Dr. Nagoski expands on the intricacies and complexities that can make sexual satisfaction difficult to achieve. Often in couples, there are differences in levels of desire, types of sexual arousal and various aspects of life and relationships that can increase or hinder sexual connection and sexual satisfaction. She talks about the importance of understanding sex in context. Not just in the context of two humans attempting to come together in sexual intimacy, but the impact of the greater context of life, stress, environment, safety and trust.

She provides a supportive perspective to understand the barriers of sexual intimacy and provides practical insights for couples to work themselves through those barriers.

Trigger warning: Dr. Nagoski addresses sex and survivors of sexual trauma. This is a candid book about all thing sex, anatomy, arousal. She discusses the topics with grace and compassionate wisdom. I think this book can be a helpful resource in a survivors healing journey.

This book isn’t just for you, but your partner can benefit from reading all, or at least some key parts, of this book too. Deeper understanding can bring so much pleasure and increased connection in and out of the bedroom. The sections about “sex in context” could be especially helpful for patterns to read. The information about breaks and accelerators provides shared language for couples to better understand each other.