5 Tips for Getting Through Deployments/TDYs with Kids
#1 - Make a visual countdown
No matter your child(ren)’s age(s), having a countdown to help them see how many days remain until they are reunited with their loved one is so helpful! For shorter TDYs, we like to make a paper chain and each child gets a turn ripping off a link every day. A friend of mine fills a jar with Hershey’s kisses labeled “Kisses From Daddy,” giving each child a treat for each day missed. For longer TDY’s and deployments, I like to use two jars labeled “Days to Go” and “Days Done.” Fill the first jar with pom poms, marbles, or any other small object to represent the days of the deployment. Then, transfer the objects one by one to the “Days Done” jar. I love this idea for longer deployments because seeing how many days you’ve always done can be very motivating.
#2 - Create special separation traditions
To make time apart from the deployed parent more of a positive experience, I like to create some special traditions that only happen when that parent is gone. For example, I let my young kids sleep in our bed with me on weekends when Daddy is away. Since I have three kids, they each take turns. I also have a special “homecoming pie” that I only make when my husband is returning from a longer TDY or deployment. These traditions help sweeten an otherwise bitter pill to swallow.
#3 - Foster communication routines
One of the hard things about having a deployed parent is that communication can be spotty or inconsistent. To help create a routine, we agree on a time when Daddy will try to call home - either at bedtime, or before school, depending on the time difference. If it’s hard to keep a routine due to schedules, we like to rely on the free app Marco Polo where our servicemember can record videos for each of our kids to watch on their own time, and as many times as needed.
#4 - Help kids manage their feelings
It’s completely normal and understandable that children will feel some big feelings while separated from a parent. This can be hard on the non-deploying parent who is left to manage the feelings of their children, in addition to their own! Since kids are still learning to manage their feelings, we can help them by validating their experience and offering ways for them to process their emotions. For younger kids, this can look like getting your child a Hug-a-Hero doll to represent the missing parent, listening to special music that helps them feel calm, or drawing what they are feeling. For older kids, journaling and sketch-noting can be powerful tools. And always keep the lines of communication open, because sometimes talking about it is the most helpful thing of all.
#5 - Read books about military life
Last but not least, books are an incredible way to help your military child feel seen and validated in their experience. When we know we are not alone, we feel better equipped to handle different challenges that come our way. There are numerous children’s books on the market that tackle the themes of military life. Some cute ones written by military spouses include My Flight Suit Pocket by Kathryn Hamlin-Pacheco, Patches by Kate Johnston, and Maggie the Military Rat, written by yours truly! United Through Reading has a free app for servicemembers where they can download and record themselves reading e-books, including my book Maggie the Military Rat.
